Sooner or later you will need advice for helping a friend who has lost a family member- and when the time comes, this book is one of the best on the topic. The title sums it up well:
Don’t Ask for the Dead Man’s Golf Clubs – What to Do and Say (and What Not to) When a Friend Loses a Loved One.
This book by Lynn Kelly is written in short sections formed from interviews with those who have personal experiences with loss. I bought it when my friend’s father was dying of cancer, and my own father had been diagnosed with lymphoma. (And, no I didn’t ask for his golf clubs.) It was a great help.
Lynn Kelly covers what really eased the pain for people who had lost a loved one. It also covers very clearly what others said and did which brought more hurt to them. However, isn’t it better to know what not to say? Sometimes when friends experience a tragedy we say little or nothing, or even pull away, maybe telling ourselves that they need time alone to grieve. We may fear that we will say or do the wrong thing. This book helps solve these problems. You’ll know what helped others and read samples of what it is better not to say. You won’t leave your friend feeling abandoned.
One point that is covered well is that promises should be kept. The person may really depend on your taking their kids to an event now and then, if you said that you would, and the kids may really look forward to it. But sometimes promises like that are forgotten by the one who made them, disappointing the young person. It is not always 100% convenient to keep a promise but in this case it is much more important than usual.
Sometimes we think that the person who suffered a loss would prefer not to have the name of their loved one come up in conversations and random memories. Yet family members have not forgotten their loved one and never will. They generally don’t mind hearing good memories which include their loved one, and feel better knowing that someone else remembers them as well.
Some loses are within the range of events that we expect to happen sooner or later in life- such as the loss of an elderly parent. At those times we still need the encouragement and support of friends. However if a family member is lost “before their time” the remaining members need the support and care of friends even more — though friends might be more uncertain of what to say and do. This book covers these topics well.…
Sooner or later you will need advice for helping a friend who has lost a family member- and when the time comes, this book is one of the best on the topic. The title sums it up well:
What Should I Do?
When discovering that a loved one is missing, the feelings of devastation and loss are hard to overcome. By following the simple steps below, you will gain some control in locating your missing loved one. Do not hesitate to seek outside assistance because, often, the missing will be returned safely and unharmed if you take action immediately. Avoid doing nothing because this action (no action) could present more danger for your missing loved one.
1. Don’t panic! You need to be clear headed to consider your actions, options and resources.
2. Gather recent photos and dental records, if possible.
3. Write down the date of disappearance and a description of the missing person; height, weight, color of eyes and hair, age and birthdate, birthmarks and other identifying items; scars, tatoos, rings. The clothing the missing was wearing could also be important. Worn clothing can provide DNA. Even interests and talents could be helpful in locating your missing person.
4. Write down names, addresses and phone numbers of people who the missing was with the last time they were seen and where the loved one was when they disappeared.
5. If a child or adult has just wandered away from home, you need to call law enforcement and/or an agency who can help you do a physical search immediately.
6. Now report your missing loved one to the agencies who can help you. There are many organizations who can help. Do not try to bear this crisis alone. You need some outside support for your sanity and assistance.
7. If internet savvy, check the missing’s email communications. Amber Alert, Porchlight International, Peace4 The Missing, The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, the Runaway Switchboard are just some of the internet and public organizations which can help. Most of these organizations offer service for free. You could publish information about your missing family member on Squidoo, Blogger, Twitter, Facebook, My Space and any other social networks, also free.
8. Stay busy and avoid unnecessary worry. Worry increases your stress level which may be a detriment to locating your missing person.
9. Report any new communications from or locations of the missing to the selected advocate or law enforcement agencies.
10. If your missing person was a runaway and has since returned home, please visit and direct your loved one to some of the organizations which can help the person avoid future disappearances. These services are especially directed to teens and free.
Operation L.A.P. Foundation, Inc., aka Wisconsin Center 4 Missing Children & Adults (WCMCA) is an organization ready to help you. They will do physical searches. Their services are free and they are a registered 501(3)(c) charity. The organization is completely staffed by unpaid volunteers. If contacted as 1st responder, WCMCA will even report your missing loved one to your local law enforcement and act as your liaison, coordinating the search. WCMCA has helped 100’s of families.…
While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us. ~ Benjamin Franklin
It is easy to neglect yourself when taking care of others. Do you feel anxious, depressed, easily overwhelmed? Do you physically notice that you get sick more often, have a frequent upset stomach, trouble sleeping, or other physical issues that have come up?
This month’s caregiver article addresses areas which are imperative to your good health as a caregiver to an aging parent or relative.
Getting enough rest: When you don’t get enough rest it is obvious. It is certainly obvious to those around you and I know for me it is obvious to myself. Although sometimes it takes someone else to point it out. I become cranky and more tearful. Everything feels bigger than it would normally and I lose perspective.
Sometimes if you have a lot of elder care issues you are concerned about it can become difficult to fall asleep. When my father had a stroke a few years back, my mom had difficulty sleeping. She couldn’t turn her mind off from the worry and the things that we needed to take care of during this time. Before you go to bed take some quiet time without the TV or other distractions. Read a book, talk to a friend, or family member to help talk out some of your areas of concern and stress. Sometimes I just want someone to listen without giving me advice. Let them know what you need.
Here are some ideas for easier sleeping:
1. When you go to bed have a pad of paper and pen next to you to purge items from your brain that you want to remember to do the next day.
2. Find times to take short naps if needed. You can set an alarm in your car to get 20 or 30 minutes during your lunch hour that will refresh you for the second half of your day.
3. Still having trouble sleeping and worried about taking medications? Instead of taking medications research natural herbal sleep aids. Making an appointment to see a Naturopathic doctor may be a great help. These doctors go through the same amount of education as other doctors and I love that they test your body chemistry to see what is going on and then can suggest ways to combat your lack of sleep that are natural in course.
Sleep can become a more difficult issue if you are caregiving for someone with Dementia. Their sleep patterns often change and may interfere with yours. You may need to look into nighttime in home care or other alternatives for your family member if lack of sleep occurs regularly.
Healthy Eating: Pay attention to what you are eating. It is so easy to say “I will just grab a quick burger” when you are short on time but how many days in one week are you doing that? Being aware and paying attention to your eating habits is the first step to being able to make changes that may be necessary to your good health. You will have more energy too!
One method is to put some of your eating on automatic pilot. For example: Decide on 3 or so healthy choices for breakfast that are still fairly quick but you know will provide you and your family with a good start to each day. My son is an athlete and in the mornings I would make both he and I a great protein shake for breakfast. I kept the ingredients handy. There is a little blender called the “Magic Bullet.” It comes with containers that blend and have handles to become the cup. So it is all in one! I would make the shake, take off the blade, add the cup ring and hand it to him. A great fruit shake includes a frozen organic fruit, flax seed meal, almond butter, protein powder, some ice, and water.
During the week take a day to do a lot of cooking at one time and then use those foods to make a variety of recipes that take less preparation time since you have already done it and they are healthier choices. For example: Cook up 5 or 6 chicken breasts on the grill using your favorite spices. You can then use the chicken to create different dishes during the week. (as an example a curry dish, or a salad).
Exercising regularly: Get up a bit earlier than the rest of your household to start your day and go for a walk or do a cardio video and use some weights. I can get my workout done in 40 minutes. Check with your doctor of course if you haven’t worked out for a while …
… one family, held in the gospel of love…
Who is this one family? What does it mean to be held in the gospel of love? Is this a place every person can expect to reach, or is this a fantasy?
The answers to these questions are at the root of family relationships–relationships that separate a mother from daughter, father from son, and pit one sibling against another. Such relationships have existed since biblical times. They are evident in the “Cain slew Abel” and ” Jacob and Esau stolen birthright” stories. Human resistance to peace, harmony and love is the nature of mortal thinking. It focuses on self-love, self-righteousness and self-aggrandizement.
This article will:
Disclose the identity of one family.
Explain what it means to be held in the gospel of love, and
List key factors that establish lasting family relationships.
The word “family” suggests commonality, sameness, or cohesiveness. defines family as “a fundamental social group in society, typically consisting of one or two parents and their children; a group of persons sharing a common ancestry; two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another and reside usually in the same dwelling place.” As I read each one, I applied the same question, “What does this definition have that keeps one member of the family from saying or doing things to harm another?” The answer? Nothing. If you think I am wrong, ask yourself, ” Has the fact that my sibling(s) and I have the same parents, have common goals and values, live or lived in the same house and have long-term commitments, maintained harmony in my our family? ” I applaud you if you can answer Yes.
The Perfect Man
How is a perfect family defined? What does a perfect family do? For answers, I went to Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures and found that the author, Mary Baker Eddy, says, ” Immortals, or God’s children in divine Science, are one harmonious family; but mortals or the “children of men” in material sense, are discordant and oftentimes false brethren”(p.444). Key phrases to understanding this statement are divine Science and in material sense. If you don’t know what these mean, the statement has no validity.
Divine Science refers to “demonstration of divine Law.” An example of a divine law is “‘unconditional love”– love that remains love under all conditions and situations. An example could be: The male teenager next door raped your six-year-old daughter… do you still love him? Yes! I hear you. You are thinking, “That woman is crazy.” Let’s slow down a bit. There is a difference between loving the act committed by the teenager and loving the teenager! The act is despicable! You say, “But the teenager did it! How can I love him?” You love him by changing the identity of him in your thoughts.
Let’s look at him again with a higher level of thought. There is only one creator, and that Creator is God. All that God created is good. If this is true, the teenager has to be good. If he is good, he could not have committed such an act. If hedidn’t, who did? Looking at the other key phrase, “material sense,” we can identify the person as a mortal, or one who belongs in the category of “children of men.” Children of men have no realexistence (according to the laws of God) because they have no creator. God is the sole Creator and all that He made is good. So, who is this person? He is a false sense of man–a counterfeit of the perfect man. You have a choice of holding the false sense in thought, and feeling hate and pain, or latching on to the perfect man, and feeling goodness and mercy. Which one makes you feel better? You decide. If you decide to hate, does the hate change the human sense of things? Does the act disappear? No! So what do you do?
You use everything in your power to see the perfect man–not for the rapist, but for yourself. .. and your daughter. Why do you do this? Because it activates the presence and power of God! Holding in thought the man who is kind, loving, pure–one who would never hurt anyone, begins to free you from the “I would like to kill him” mentality and generate harmony in your life. You must get there! Is it easy? No! No! No! You get there anyway! Put it in the hands of God, and you will be surprised how everything falls into place. Mercy and justice, even when divine, are not blind. Acknowledgement of divine truth, eliminates human error.
Being able to separate God’s children from children of men, will bring healing in your life. This is …
Dressing up is an art and important part of self development. It is the first step to being noticed by those around you. Now, lets say, you would like to help a close friend or family member to dress better or dress for party then here are few steps:
Get to know the family member’s interests: Know more about your family member’s age, favorite shades, shapes, silloutte patterns of interest. Based on the body shape you can head out for some serious shopping. Certain patterns will surely bring out the flattering parts of the body such as vertical stripes that make the body to appear slimmer.
Know the occasion: Understand the reason for which your family member needs to be more well dressed. Is it a casual outing, office wear, or for special occasions such as parties or weddings.
Follow the Lead: Know more about the role model that your family member appreciates. This could also include movies, advertisements that represent the member’s interests. Use this information to incorporate in the family member dress.
Being trendy would only flatter your beloved and help others to appreciate them. Browse through interesting magazines to know the style that would suit them best.
After getting fair idea of the interest level lets head over to the nearest boutique or mall for some fancy shopping around..
At the store try the following:
Try solid colors: Based on the features and skin shades try the color palette. For lighter skin types, try shades such as maroon, blue, brown, where as, darker skin types could go in for blue, yellow, and so on.
Always go in for contrasting patterns such as solid black with trousers having pattern such as lines, stripes, etc.
Visit speciality stores that cater to special needs such as plus sizes or slimmer sizes.
Depending on size, try out some of the latest clothes complete with accessories to bring out the beautiful side of your loved one. Keep it elegant with simple pieces such as bracelet or watch that can be mixed with various outfits.
Ladies could also get a makeover with matching make up and jewellery such as elegant pair of earrings.
Team up trendy jackets with various dresses depending on the occasion such as work or after work party.
Cropped pants are making an interesting comeback which your family member can pair up with cool t-shirts.
Jumper suits are also an ideal choice for those members who are interested in trendy dressing.
That’s all for stay stylish!…
You can do a good deed that will mean a livelihood for a family member or friend who needs employment. What can you do? You can financially sponsor someone in his or her own home business. You could make a six-month or one-year commitment. A secondary benefit is that you will help the economy by helping stimulate some new business, a growing income, and the spending of that earned money.
There are opportunities to build a home business that have a low initial membership fee and a modest monthly investment. A home business is worked from one’s own home via phone, internet, vehicle, and local contact. So, it won’t cost the person you sponsor extra money for gas, clothes, lunches, and more. There are also great tax-deductions for people with home businesses.
A term used for researching a good home-based business company is “due diligence.” You can do your due diligence and search for companies with good reputations, high integrity, and quality products or services. Some other things to look for, that should accompany the distributorship, are ongoing training, teamwork and support, a fair and generous compensation plan, strong internet resources, and a simple system of operation.
The person you sponsor will need to want to do this (desire, motivation, and initiative), be self-disciplined and interested in working hard, and a commitment to be consistent with the training opportunities offered by the company. A good home-business company is not a free ride, but an opportunity to work and build a business. Another thing the person will need is to schedule daily work time so that the building of this new business will have a consistent personal sweat-equity invested in his or her new opportunity.
Do you have someone to help? Are you willing to invest a small amount of money for them to get started? A good low-cost range would be around $100 per month. See if that person is willing to pay the price in hard work!
Think About It, Joe H.…